Couldn't help feeling lost and sad. My only daughter left last night for her future. I'm glad for her but deep down, I felt pain. Can she take care of herself? Will she be able to? Will all my three children be able to take care of each other in a far away land? I'm literally pushing all my children out of my realm. I have to for their own good. It doesn't work for them to be at home. Just doesn't. I wish they are all around me. At least I could wave goodbye every morning when they leave for work. At least I can still make something for breakfast for them while I still can. But I can't... I wish to keep them but I can't... just can't...
I wonder if there's any use weeping now. Just silent tears, silent hurt , silence..... the echo of what life will be from now...... ya.....it's meant to be I guess.... My only solace is that the three of them are together at the same place. God bless them. I hope they look out for each other and support each other. They should, wouldn't they? There's no end to worries.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Handicraft
I am an avid handicraft person since my teenager days. Anything fanciful catches my attention and I had always been curious on how an object of beauty is created. Oops...but I'm not good with any though... .
My mother is the inspiration to my interest and hobby. She sews beautifully and she's a perfectionist. She makes just anything out of nothing. Just a glance and she could make that little beauty out of memory using scraps she can find around her. I wish I have her talent. But that is what the previous generation ladies were able to do - being displaced from their homeland China and having to fight for survival in a foreign land, it's really a survival of the fittest.
Talking about my mother, she's a charming lady- a beauty in our Chinese way. She's so versatile and so gentle to the point of being intimidated by my father. She put up with a lot of hardship. Being hardworking and loving, she is really the one who had brought up all of us. I've never heard her complain. To vote her as the mother of mothers seems so insufficient to credit her. Perhaps there are other mothers like her but to me, she is just not like all mothers. She's special, really special... . I can't imagine how she manages to survive in our state of poverty then, seven tiny mouths to feed and we were surviving on the little that my father brought home as a bus driver then.
My father was a tyrant in the eyes of us kids but deep down, he was a loving and caring father. He was more Chinese than the mainland Chinese. China has evolved so much and is so modernised but my father was still living in his past then. It was sad when he left us. He never progressed with time. He would have lived a better life if only he could see things differently, closed an eye to what he didn't like to see and just let go of his hold on his old believes. He is a sad story of a man displaced, one who clung on to old believes and still insisted on a big family theory. But then, I really don't blame him as he had gone through a lot when he first stepped foot in Malaysia just when he was barely twenty. The bitterness and hardship he went through must have left an imprint so deep and painful that the scar could never be erased.
I couldn't do much for my father but what about my mother? I've not done anything much for her all these years either. It's a real shame, a shame which I personally don't know how to handle. A shame which pricks my heart every time I think about her.
Can someone out there tell me what I should do?
I'm married with my own commitments. Sometimes I wonder if I'm a coward or simply stupid... Chinese custom says the parents stay with their sons. Girls are like water in a basin that's splashed out when they got married. And, I can't take her into my home unless my husband gives his consent. Sometimes, I wish I haven't got married then...Perhaps life would have been simpler and less complicated.
My mother is the inspiration to my interest and hobby. She sews beautifully and she's a perfectionist. She makes just anything out of nothing. Just a glance and she could make that little beauty out of memory using scraps she can find around her. I wish I have her talent. But that is what the previous generation ladies were able to do - being displaced from their homeland China and having to fight for survival in a foreign land, it's really a survival of the fittest.
Talking about my mother, she's a charming lady- a beauty in our Chinese way. She's so versatile and so gentle to the point of being intimidated by my father. She put up with a lot of hardship. Being hardworking and loving, she is really the one who had brought up all of us. I've never heard her complain. To vote her as the mother of mothers seems so insufficient to credit her. Perhaps there are other mothers like her but to me, she is just not like all mothers. She's special, really special... . I can't imagine how she manages to survive in our state of poverty then, seven tiny mouths to feed and we were surviving on the little that my father brought home as a bus driver then.
My father was a tyrant in the eyes of us kids but deep down, he was a loving and caring father. He was more Chinese than the mainland Chinese. China has evolved so much and is so modernised but my father was still living in his past then. It was sad when he left us. He never progressed with time. He would have lived a better life if only he could see things differently, closed an eye to what he didn't like to see and just let go of his hold on his old believes. He is a sad story of a man displaced, one who clung on to old believes and still insisted on a big family theory. But then, I really don't blame him as he had gone through a lot when he first stepped foot in Malaysia just when he was barely twenty. The bitterness and hardship he went through must have left an imprint so deep and painful that the scar could never be erased.
I couldn't do much for my father but what about my mother? I've not done anything much for her all these years either. It's a real shame, a shame which I personally don't know how to handle. A shame which pricks my heart every time I think about her.
Can someone out there tell me what I should do?
I'm married with my own commitments. Sometimes I wonder if I'm a coward or simply stupid... Chinese custom says the parents stay with their sons. Girls are like water in a basin that's splashed out when they got married. And, I can't take her into my home unless my husband gives his consent. Sometimes, I wish I haven't got married then...Perhaps life would have been simpler and less complicated.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Bingo
I was chatting with my daughter, Qianyi, when she sent me her friend's link and I said " why don't u create a site like this?"
However she said, "you can create too
simple what
just a blog"
I said : don't know how to
Qianyi: eh. just go to http://www.blogspot.ocm/
http://www.blogspot.com/
follow instructions
it's easy, just TRY
I said : i'm dumb. don't know how to proceed :(
Qianyi: type in your gmail
Qianyi: Sign up for Blogger. Once you complete this process, you'll be able to log in to Blogger using your Google account email and password.
I said : I did but stopped and never go on
Qianyi: just put a "display name"
the display name will be the ADDRESS
So, here I am, just signed up. I feel good but hey how do I proceed once I log out? I need to grope around again though. I think I've more to put in on this title then the other blog I created a long time ago and got lost..... but then...... only if i'm able to get in again to write more or post other interesting 'stuffs' anybody would care to read or follow....Till then, have a great day....
However she said, "you can create too
simple what
just a blog"
I said : don't know how to
Qianyi: eh. just go to http://www.blogspot.ocm/
http://www.blogspot.com/
follow instructions
it's easy, just TRY
I said : i'm dumb. don't know how to proceed :(
Qianyi: type in your gmail
Qianyi: Sign up for Blogger. Once you complete this process, you'll be able to log in to Blogger using your Google account email and password.
I said : I did but stopped and never go on
Qianyi: just put a "display name"
the display name will be the ADDRESS
I'm tickled and thought of this ....and so walla I got this name that's more appropriate for an old hag reminiscing over the 'once upon a time...." Why shouldn't I? Baby boomers can brag too, right?
So, here I am, just signed up. I feel good but hey how do I proceed once I log out? I need to grope around again though. I think I've more to put in on this title then the other blog I created a long time ago and got lost..... but then...... only if i'm able to get in again to write more or post other interesting 'stuffs' anybody would care to read or follow....Till then, have a great day....
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